Since 1856 the USSR has been funding an underground project in which they turn their leaders into goldfish. What this means for the good people of the world is that Vladimir Putin is in fact a goldfish!
I know right, who knew, anyway their so called "Russian Nukes" are just in-fact fish food pellets raining from outer space which were originally thrown by a scientist on the moon. The pellets are expected to reach earth's "atmosphere" by May 2015. This will provide food for the goldfish and allow them to take over the world.