Petroland is a small "island" located in the center of the Bermuda Triangle.

Technically, Petroland is not an "island" so much as it is a large deposit of fossil fuels left over from a tectonic event that took place millions of years ago (or so i've heard from unnamed sources)

As Petroland is made entirely of coal and oil, it could be considered the largest source of nonrenewable energy in the entire world. well actually, it is the largest and last energy reserve in the world, but don't tell that to the republicans. Allowing them to keep believing there may be more oil elsewhere is the only way to keep them from breaking down and throwing a tantrum on national and international television.

History Edit

Formation Edit

As was stated above, Petroland was formed by the the clashing of two tectonic plates in a place where there was a particularilly large amount of compressed fossil fuels at the time. Because of this event, a huge lump (in scientific terms, a shitload) of fossil fuels was pushed above the ocean surface and formed an island. This eruption also caused the extinction of several prehistoric species that nobody cares about.

Indigenous habitation Edit

Although, for the past century or so, the island was called petroland, it didn't always have that name. For much of it's history, the island was inhabited by a group of natives called the Ciggaralocks who called the place Ciggaratun (literally meaning "my feet hurt from stepping on coal all day"). Fun fact: this is what gave people the idea for the name cigar.

The ciggaralocks were never very advanced as a civilization. Because the island was made of only coal and oil, there was no vegetation to eat and an ordinary diet consisted of the only other living thing on the island; a black colored worm called Ruun by the natives (The name literally means "hooray! I might not starve this week!"). Because they were never able to develop farming, the Ciggaralock's society remained a single small village for their entire history. The only large structures they managed to build were a couple of makeshift temples composed entirely of coal which, although unimpressive, pissed the hell out of the Americans, who found them highly unburnable.

The ciggaralock civilization collapsed in 1003AD after they ran out of worms and started eating each other. The last guy got really lonely after eating the rest of his clan, and commited suicide (I assume he used coal or oil, as that was the only thing left on the island after they ate all the worms)

Discovery Edit

After the Ciggaralocks died out, the island of Ciggaratun remained unknown to man for nearly a Millenium. Then, in 1889, A large oil freighter operating under American oil tycoon John D. Rockafeller stumbled across the island while navigating the globe for future reserves. When news of the island got back to Rockafeller, he could not beleive his ears. He immediately set up a meeting with the President of the United States at the time, Benjamin Harrison.

President Harrison considered the offer for quite a few weeks, then came to a sudden realization: Should Rockafeller gain control of such a large oil reserve, He could become richer and more powerful than the leader of the country himself. With this knowledge, Harrison hired a team of assassins to kill Rockafeller. The plan was successsful, and Rockafeller was replaced with his illegitimate twin brother, whom he and the public had no knowledge of even existed.


For 60 years after the Harrison era, the United States Government had full knowledge of the economic potential of the island of Ciggaratun, which had since had it's name changed to Petroland in the early 1900s. However, this was during a time when the texas oil feilds were in their prime, and there was no need to spend the extra money to ship oil from Bermuda when there was plenty of oil right on American soil. During the course of the next six decades, the only members of the Whitehouse who had any knowledge of Petroland kept it a secret from every other member of the executive branch, including all but the most trusted presidents in federal office. These politicians banded together to form the National Organization for Secret Petroleum Affairs, or NOSPA for short. Under this shadowy branch of the government, several mobile military outlets were set up off the coastline of Petroland to keep close survailence on the island and defend it so as to make sure that it didn't fall under control of another country.

The Carter administration Edit

While NOSPA was greatly successful it's attempts to keep Petroland out of people's knowledge, some members of government managed to slip under the radar, for example, Jimmy Carter

In 1979, during a board meeting with his subordinates, Jimmy Carter heard caught a slip up from one of his secretaries, which lead to his discovery of the top secret operations being carried out in Petroland. Using a small fleet of patrol boats, Carter snuck into Petroland and unloaded several tons of oil, which he took back with him to Washington and used in the manufacturing of his new line of high quality hair care products, "Jimmy Carter's All-Patriots Freedom Gel". Carter's brand went on to become the top selling hair prooduct of the year in '79,'80,and '81.

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