Canada (also known as "America's Hat") is an imaginary country that is said to exist to the north of the United States of America; due south of the world's largest icicle.
As stated, the country is not real, which means it has no major exports or imports, no culture, and of course, no people of note. But, of course, Santa Clause lives there, and he is totally real because my parents told me he is. Canada may not be real, but the icy tundras due north of the US do exist. There are many strange and wild snow-based creatures that are blood-thirsty demons. One such of these is the "Abominable Snowman" (i.e., Jack Frost).
These lands are most prominently used for nuclear waste dumps by all sorts of countries including Russia, Japan, England, and the US. Not only are there waste dumps, but there are also many factories and sweat-shops in the territory used by Government personnel to enslave children and others to build military technology. This technology also attributes to the waste dump factors. Even Santa Clause owns one of these factories. In addition, many valuable and malicious exports are collected in this land. (See exports)
Canada's Mythical History[edit | edit source]
Even though Canada as a country does not exist, many governments and big corporations still try to convince us that it does. Why, you ask? Well, it's obvious that it's all part of one big socialist agenda. Feel free to read this history of Canada, and see if you can spot the lies (hint: all of it is a lie):
"Canada was founded in 1867, after the British got really bored of freezing their butts off every winter and decided to return to the homeland. The ones who stayed became the ancestors of today's Canadians. Canada was a rich land full of many resources such as buffalos and stuff, which made it a perfect candidate to become economically enslaved by the Americans who took everything from them and, in returned, allowed them to be free of Justin Bieber. Canada eventually developed into a sea nice people and clean cities as well as Toronto. It is now a big happy place under the trustful leadership of that one dude with the nice hair and a popping booty"
Of course these are all lies, and if you actually beleived them, then you are either very gullible, or a Commie. Justin Bieber is proof of this, as no such thing could be spawned in a land portrayed as nice.
The Canadians also worship the moose god which is said to inhabit the body of a newborn child every 12 years. The chosen child is said to have magical properties and thus must be sacrificed in order to keep the peace. This tradition is extremely important to the Canadian Prime minister and is why Canada has only been in one war in its entire time as a country. It is said that when the first American saw this tradition they tried to stop it but when they touched the child they were vaporized into a cloud of smoke. This is where the idea of a vape came from.
"Exports"[edit | edit source]
The wastelands, commonly referred to as Canada, are rich in a natural resource known as "maple syrup" (like all resources in this land, slave labor is used to harvest it) and naturally occurring Methamphetamine crystals , which are then sold to other countries, the profits used in selling these products are used in the propaganda campaign to reinforce the lie that Canada exists.
In the mythical land of Canada there exists a resource, that wreaks of pure evil, it has become known as "bagged milk". Bagged milk has been known throughout history to cause anyone under the age of 18 to go to Canadian Hell, spontaneously combust, and melt, along with many other painful forms of death. Bagged milk, of course, does not really exist, since it only exists in Canada, which also does not exist, so you don't have to worry about your children being taken by Canadian Satan, or melting, or randomly bursting into flames.
A final export of "Canada" is canadian bacon, which of course proves Canada cannot be real, as Canadian bacon is just ham.
Another common export in Canada is the antlers of Moose, Canada's most common animal. A moose resembles a deer, but thicc. These so-called "Canadians", would hit a moose with their car, yell their battle cry, (soory) and rid the moose's body of the antlers to sell on the black market. However, after being DNA tested by scientists, it has been concluded that Moose antlers are just keratin that is found in rhinos, thus concluding that Canada isn't real.
Don't forget about Air Canada. Complete idiocy. Run by a bunch of Communists. its really just American airlines. Trump 2020