Mario: he hates your freedom

You all think of Mario as a goomba smashing, coin collecting, Italian plumber. But really this is all a lie.

The Truth: Mario is yet another agent of LOSDES, the Russian-American terrorist group who controls Katy Perry. He is not only a Communist, but a Marxist, a Leninist, and a Maoist. The worst thing he is, though, is a Packers fan. He rides a genticallyy modified and cybernetically enhanced yoshi with a minigunn mounted on his forehead. Mario also hates animals. For example, he takes animal skins and turns them into supersuits, as depicted in Super Mario Galaxy 2, where he can turn into a bee or raccoon. He plans to head up Nintendo's plot to take over with Pokemon by riding the super powered Wailmer. All his games contain subliminal Marxsist propaganda. If you listen closley whn he says "in the door," he is actually saying "nuke Ecuador." We don't know why, but we are looking into it.