Time Magazine

Time Magazine is something that you have probably read (or thought that you read). Time has three anagrams among common words: mite, tiem, and teim. Magazine has five: ginmazae, migaazen, aaegimnz, gzmnaeaie, and pink.

Part One
Time Magazine is a elite organization that consists of bony old men with very high IQ's. It was founded in 1745 by Satan, and it has been governed by members of the Satanic Blood Pact (SBP) ever since. Their number one goal is to use the illusion of time that they have created to get You to want to create a time machine. Once you create a time machine, they will say that you have stolen their idea for a time machine (because they already have one, of course) and will banish you from the Earth to a place called Mexico. In Mexico you will either die or become a member of the drug cartel, which is owned by Time Magazine. ok bye

Part Two
The reason that Time Magazine owns a time machine is because, like I said in the previous paragraph, they have invented the illusion of time to get you to make a time machine. Why do you want to build a time machine? So that you can fix your life which you have so terribly fucked up. If you want to build a time machine for immortality, then that's just fucked up intrinsically.

Part Three
Like I said in the previous paragraph and the first paragraph, Time magazine owns a time machine. You may have heard that the Chinese/Japanese did a recent study that it is impossible to create a time machine because no photon can travel faster than the speed of light. Well, guess what. is that the Chinese/Japanese, photons (actually all fermions), the SBP, Time magazine, red links, and the Oxford comma are all in kahoots in this bizinuss. Note: kahoots looks sort of like Yahoo.

Part Four
Ever heard of the new fangled chemical compound Sulfur boron phosphide? SBP? IT'S A LIE!!! And guess who's in on this one. The Chinese/Japanese, photons, the SBP, Time magazine, red links, and the Oxford comma. No jk. (And SBP means Satanic Blood Pact, as noted here. Also, every compound with sulfur or phosphorus in it is a lie. DNA is actually made out of the following elements: Satanium, Pactinium, Hydrogen, Ozzagin, Nightterrorsgium, and Carboner. This is why it is good to get rid of your DNA.

Part Five
Remember how I said that Time Magazine consists of bony old men with high IQ's? Well guess what. One of these men is Your Mom.

Part Six
There is no part six.

Part Seven
There is a part seven. It goes like this: the bony old men never actually sent you to Mexico at all, for they went back in time and pronounced You their Person of the Year in 2006. Sudden fame drastically alters your future and your time machine is never conceived of the next month.