Amazon

Amazon is the name of a large river that goes through an entire forest full of rain, known as the Amazon rainforest. This article, however - is not about the forest. No, the forest is pieceful and fairly safe (although it may perform a central role in a government weather machine - resarch is ongoing by members of this website to find out the truth.

You, being a person who is controlled by the mass-media - probably didn't even know that the Amazon was a river/rainforest. No, what you're probably thinking of is Amazon.everydomainnameknowntoman.

Beginnings
Amazon began as a humble startup in the Amazon rainforest (where it got it's name). It was a simple service to order things like headphones and books for the local population and wildlife to read. However, that company was soon destroyed by Jeff (second name unknown). The original company Founder, President, Chair-Man (It's traditional for Presidents of companies in the Amazon to employ a man to move chairs before meetings - this should not be confused with "Chairman" in the traditional sense), and CEO all mysteriously vanished, replaced by Jeff.

Some people say that Jeff is actually a robot.

Re-launch
Amazon quickly re-launched as an on-line shop selling wood. This proved unprofitable - so they launched a product to sell wood to people who don't like owning wood called the Kindle. This sold people virtual wood slightly cheaper than they'd buy real wood. However, you can't sell the wood to a friend, so you're really just renting wood.

Amazon Prime
Amazon Prime is a crowd-funded Autobot. In order to fund production of Amazon's world-domination robot project, Amazon offered free next-day delivery to backers. Like the sheep people are, they flocked to this scheme. Most of them not even knowing that Amazon Prime is a robot.

Advertisments
Amazon is known to advertise the stuff you've just bought to you, this is a legal measure - as the stuff you buy from Amazon is not legally yours, they can issue you a court order in 10 years to pay for the stuff again, as they own it. Bewere.