Aliens

Everyone has heard stories about people from other planets and that their might be intelligent life out there somewhere. Alien conspiracies are a constant on television channels such as the History channel. But none of that ever tells you.

The Truth
is that there is no other life in the universe... besides us, of course. For years, governments around the world have been trying to create super soldiers. To date, Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America (who totally exists), is the only successful subject of these experiments. Due to these experiments leading to horrible mutations &mdash; so horrible that no one would ever willingly look at these people again &mdash; a plan was devised amongst many countries to "remove" these individuals from the planet. They decided to launch their failed experiments into Space. This also provided a convenient excuse for Doug Bower and Dave Chorley to explain their crop circle pranks that they had been pulling for a long time. The "existence" of aliens also provided an excuse for occultists who sacrificed livestock for fun.

Occasionally, one or more of these failed experiments would fall back to Earth, at which time the government would promptly deny this happening, covering up these horrible creations' existence. To date, America has launched over 500 of these rejects into space, England has launched a little more than 300 and China has launched over a million. So remember, when you think you see an Alien, it is really just a human mutated beyond belief.

Aliens in modern media

 * One example would be Stephen Speilberg's famous The Extra Terrestrial. He, originally supposed to be a clone of Abe Lincoln, returned to Earth to eat M&Ms and ruin the lives of young children. This plan went smoothly until a group of agents abducted him and tested him for DNA (despite him being an obviously near-exact copy of Abraham Lincoln). After these painful and humiliating tests, Lincoln fled back to the safe haven of Space where he has spent the remainder of his clonehood.